Interview with Jesse Holder, Author of Chute, Beer, & Bullets

 JESSE HOLDER

Jesse Holder was born in Valdosta, Georgia. He quickly became known as a "class-clown" throughout his school years. After putting college on hold, Jesse joined the United States Army. He graduated United States Infantry and Airborne School in the spring of 2006. He served in the 173rd Airborne Combat Team in Italy from June, 2006 to July, 2009. He has completed two combat tours, the first being a fifteen month deployment in Afghanistan with the 173rd ABCT; the second being with the 3rd Infantry Division in Iraq. Jesse is very passionate about friends, family, food, beverages, traveling, and University of Georgia football.

Louise: Jesse, welcome to our blog! We’re so excited you could join us for a chat. When did you first decide to submit your work to be published? Tell us what or who encouraged you to take this big step.

Jesse: Hey! It’s great to be here! Well I first decided to submit my work in July of 2011. I guess what encouraged me the most was the fact that I was almost done with a book that I had been working on for about a year so what was the point of writing it if I was just going to place it in a dark corner somewhere.

Louise: Please tell us a little about your new release Chutes, Beer, & Bullets.

Jesse: My book breaks the mold for military writing. It is probably the forerunner of a new genre I have dubbed Military Humor.  Most military books are either historic, and have a ton of co-authors sharing stories they have heard, or are written decades after the war took place. This book, however, was written by someone that lived it. Not only does it show the reader what’s going on in the war zone, as all military books do, but it also gives the reader a chance to look behind the scenes. Not only touching on training, but what soldiers do given that they are 19 year old boys, curious, stationed in a foreign country and have free range. Hilarity ensues.

Louise: Did you use real first names or fictitious names for your characters?

Jesse: I started out using fake names, but then it got to be I could not remember which names I had given people and such; even with writing them down. So I changed all the names back to last names, as we use in the military.

Louise: What did your fellow Army buddies think about you writing a book? Your family? Who has supported you the most?

Jesse: My Army buddies have been very supportive. Some were a little leery at first, because they didn’t know what scandalous scenes I had placed in it; ya know, in case they decide to run for office one day! My family hasn’t been to supportive. Sex, drugs, and war isn’t a Southern Baptist families cup of tea. 

Louise: LOL Living in the bible belt and writing under our real names in a risqué genre; we know exactly what you're talking about. What is your writing process? Do you outline, write by the seat of your pants (Pantser) or a combination of both?

Jesse: Haha, Pantser…that is the second time I have heard that term. You literary folks have some funny terms. I am a “Pantser” all the way. I do not really see the point in outlines; I mean I guess it may be important for a huge piece of fictional work like The Stand, or the Lord of the Rings trilogy; if you have a ton of moving pieces. But I was writing a chronological narrative. No need to brainstorm, outline, sand table, and all that rigmarole.

Louise: Hey, we just learned the term last year. *smiles* What is your favorite scene in the book and why do you love it? 

Jesse: Well readers can see an actual movie trailer of the book on YouTube or at the book's Facebook page. It’s about a five minute fast paced trailer I put together. I guess who really makes the book are the real life characters Clark and SFC (Sergeant First Class) Adams. Clark and my experiences in the beginning of the book, such as drug usage during Airborne School, causing a ruckus in European strips clubs, or being approached by Russian spies are a few high lights. SFC Adams is the comic relief during the Afghanistan part of the book. Between losing control of his bowels and constantly talking to his food, allows the reader to witness soldiers not being ridged or stiff necked…but as people.

Louise: Do you have a ritual when it comes to writing? Example….get coffee, blanket, paper, pen, laptop and a comfy place.

Jesse: Oh yes, it must be morning, there will be coffee, and there must be music.

Louise: Describe a typical writing day for you.

Jesse: If I am going to write then I have to get up and get going. Like to work out, grab some coffee, and then start writing. I will only write for a few hours, or until about noon.

Louise: Please give us a sneak peek at your future books. What’s on the horizon?

Jesse: There is nothing on the horizon at the moment. This may be it. I’m going on a book tour all of September, which will hit Dallas, Denver, Seattle, and Annapolis. I’m pushing this book first, and then maybe there will be a spin-off…or a movie.

Louise: A movie would be very cool. What is your favorite genre to read and who is your favorite author?

Jesse: Mmmm, if I am going to read it (which I don’t much) I like humor, Christopher Moore’s style of humor; I also like war books…imagine that. But my favorite author is Stephen King and his Dark Tower series. Right now though, I am reading Catch 22, by Joseph Heller.

Louise: The Dark Tower series are a must read and Mr. King has released The Wind in the Keyhole, a prequel on how Roland Deschain became the Gunslinger. Is there anything else you would like to tell the readers we have not touched on?

Jesse: This book is really just for the entertainment. I would tell these stories to people in passing or to friends and all of them said, “Hey you should write a book!”  So…I did. But in saying that, I wanted to tell the story of the modern day soldier and show the reader how they live their lives, and to shed some light on the war in Afghanistan. I wanted to let readers know that the war over there is real and the 42 men gave their lives…now see how they lived.

Louise: Where can the readers learn more about you and find your books on the web?

Jesse: My Facebook and here’s the purchase links:

Amazon Author page

B&N

authorHouse

Chutes, Beer, & Bullets: Not Your Grandpa's War Story is a humor filled narrative that takes place during the peak of The War on Terror. Follow Jesse is this uncut and unscripted adventure as he leads you through United States Army Airborne School, Europe, and ultimately to Operation Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan. Chutes, Beer, & Bullets is assured to have you laughing, sighing, looking away, and possibly even shedding a tear as you connect with the real life characters within. No doubt you will be longing for more as you turn the final page.

Excerpt

            The door of the C-130 Hercules flew upwards as the hot Georgia air poured into my nervous lungs. The continuous bump of the aircraft was not helping the situation...the sting of diesel nipping at my nostrils. The Black Hat yelled, "Thirty-Seconds," holding up his index finger and thumb. We all replied "thirty-seconds" as was taught to us for the past three weeks. I could feel my right hand tighten around the yellow rip cord. The only thought circulating through my head since I hooked up was, "Is the yellow cord really going to open this parachute that some nut packed?" This was by all means a new experience.
            "Standby!" the Black Hat barked, and the number one jumper turned to face the rustling Georgia Pines, pissing his pants as he did so...the Black Hat stepped back. I was the #4 jumper, or the fourth person that would jump from the plane. I was just close enough to the door to see the ground zipping by. The planes altitude hit 1,200ft and all I could think was, "What in THE HELL am I doing here?" "Green light go!" The Black Hat responds in a roar, and like ducks following a seemingly retarded mother, we all exited the aircraft.
            What I confused for the wrath of God was actually the prop blast from our C-130, throwing my ragged body through the air much like your cat does with a cheap toy. I felt my T-10 Parachute opening, "Praise the Lord!" too bad Jesus didn't warn me of the opening shock on my gonads. The straps dug into my legs, and the risers were twisted behind my head. As I am bicycle kicking through the open air to untangle my straps, I see the Georgia clay approaching with terrifying speed. Which way am I supposed to pull the risers again? As I am looking toward the horizon, I hear my 1st Lieutenant yell in agony accompanied by a sickening pop, which was his femur snapping. I try not to focus on the ground, staying as loose as possible. Feet and knees together! Then, as if the entire world is quiet except for the breeze though the pines...I hit like a ton of bricks thrown from the Empire State Building. Hey that was easy; only four more jumps, and I'm a paratrooper!
            After one more jump that day, we run back up to the Airborne barracks at Fort Benning, Georgia. I'm in Delta Company 1/507th. Having just graduated Infantry School on good ole Sand Hill, I am with at least a platoon size of my buddies. One in particular, Clark, is a character from Seattle, Washington. The guy had nothing better to do than join the Army and see where that took him. In between serving time for high-speed chases across Washington State, and almost getting killed by his own dad for walking into the family business un-announced (AHEM...meth lab), he figured why not try something a little less dangerous.
Being from Georgia myself, I had my own vehicle there at Airborne School. A black 2002 Jeep Grand Cherokee named "darkie", my first ride. Clark and I often took it for a spin to my hometown on the weekend or around Columbus to see what kind of shit we could get in. Clark is notorious for getting to drunk and making outrageous claims about spaceships or how he can beat you in any event you think of. Plus, he likes to walk out on tabs...so usually Captain Shitstorm finds us.
            That evening we decided to go to The Chop house in Columbus. Clark and I frequented this establishment. I heard the food was amazing, but we went for the beverages. The bartender, whose name has slipped my mind, was a hipster kind of guy. He wore a red goatee and one of those damn hemp necklaces, and he drove a 1979 Blue Chevy. Mr. Barkeep claimed he obtained a degree in bartending from one of the wacko colleges that specializes in such things. The steak house was small and sat in the corner of strip mall across from the fabulous Sheraton Hotel, where I had vomited many times in the past and even jumped in the hot tub with my clothes on, but that's a different story.
            Clark and I sat there drinking a beer. He preferred German beer; I'm a Coors Light man myself. A shot was sitting in front of us, Jaeger-bombs no doubt; Clark would stroke the side of his shot glass like some perverted serial killer until it was time to drop the Black Death into Red Bull. I swear God smites a kitten every time one of those is drunk. Conversation in the establishment was entertaining as usual. Clark was trying to hit on a waitress who was way out of his league, hell out of his division; Clark wasn't much of looker back then, even less so now.
            An unusual cat sat down beside us with jet-black hair slicked back and stripped polo on. He obviously knows the bartender as they exchange words, slaps, punches, and play grab ass a little longer. Meanwhile Clark is eyeing me, like "If you so much as slide a hand on me that's going to be it!" I have been known to throw a few lisps on my words to make the gayest man seem straight. Rex, the gelled-Guido grab asser, turns to us and says, "What are you soldier-boys havin?" Now I may have looked young, 19 at the time, but Clark was by no means a boy. Clark, in his usual forward manner, "Well...what are you buying?" I had another Coors, the grab-asser and Clark did shots of Johnny Walker...talk about a lush.
            After some interesting conversation, we found out that Rex was a geologist for some institute that was going out of business, and I thought the business of being a rock whisperer was booming! Of course Clark in his infinite wisdom knew all there was to know about geology from volcanic ash to the sand in his vagina. Then as if Gabriel himself blew the golden trumpet, Rex and Mr. Barkeep looked at each other and wink. Rex turns to us, "Hey...do you guys play poker?" Now I am a hell of a rummy player, I use to beat one of my best buds every Sunday afternoon but I have never played poker; much less gambled for it. As I am sure you are imagining now, Clark once again in his most matter-a-factual tone, "Oh I'll murder ya...my knowledge of the game and the quickness of my hands...c'mon." I sat there pondering on the meaning of Clark's statement. It was too late though, the gauntlet had been thrown. "Well come on over, Mr. Barkeep will be joining us. I have ten beers and Kevin will be there too." Rex informs us.
            I don't know who keeps the count of beers in their fridge, or who the hell Kevin is but before I could swipe my handy-dandy debit card, we were out the door, already at a BP gas station picking up a twenty-four pack of Bud Light; neither one of us keeping in mind that we have to do two maybe three more jumps tomorrow. No that never occurred to us. What a grave miscalculation.
            Clark and I arrive at Rex's one-story brick suburban home. One of the older models you saw built in the 70' and 80's, a nice home for a Guido bachelor. The back door opened up into the outdated kitchen, a large wooden dining room table was in the dining room to my immediate right. The table should have given Rex plenty of room to count his beer on. Speaking of beer, low and behold, ten nicely arranged Bud Lights in the refrigerator. I'm no doctor, but I think someone had a touch of O.C.D. Only about five minutes had passed when Mr. Barkeep arrived. Rex had given Clark and me the grand tour of his lair, surprisingly not brandishing a plate of Fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti.

Author Interview - David Grant VBT PIT Stop May 4: Blood: The New Red is his latest release

Click on the image to visit the David's Meet & Greet at VBT Cafe.

BLOOD: The New Red

 Humor, Dark Comedy, Transgressive Literary Fiction

David S. Grant is the author of ten books including “Corporate Porn”, “Bleach|Blackout”, “Hollywood Ending”, and “Rock Stars”.  His latest novel, “Blood: The New Red”, is now available.  David lives and writes his weekly rock, travel, and NBA columns from New York City.  For more information go to http://www.davidsgrant.com  Twitter: @david_s_grant

Louise: David, welcome to my blog! I’m so excited you could join me for a chat. When did you first decide to submit your work to be published? Tell us what or who encouraged you to take this big step.

David: I have been writing for most of my life and writing books for the past ten. There is truth that the reward is in the writing of the book, but there’s something also to making it available to others. “Blood: The New Red” is the tenth book I’ve published and I consider myself very lucky to have outlets that want to publish my work. Silverthought Press has been a great support as well as my other publishers and online websites and magazines I write for.

Louise: Please tell us a little about your new release “Blood: The New Red” without giving too much of a spoiler away.

David: “Blood: The new Red” begins at an after party where Mickey, and ex-adult movie star turned supermodel, is aligning himself with one of top Designers of Seventh Avenue.  While trying to land a job on the runway Mickey is thrown into the center of a scene where sex is often the motivation, the wine is served by year, and cocaine is back in full force.  Juanita, Mickey’s girlfriend is having difficulties staying sober, fully clothed, and off of her famous boyfriend.

Mickey goes to work for Fashion icon Paul Johnson, one of the two top Designers in NYC.  The other is Sandy Johnson, another Designer who will stop at nothing including murder to guarantee victory.  A runway exhibition has been scheduled for the two to compete in and find out who truly is the best Johnson.  Mickey will be Paul’s top model, and Sandy has found a homeless person nicknamed Kung Fu Master to show his line. 

Did you know that you can’t be sentenced to prison if actively seeking help at a mental facility?  Paul Johnson knows this.

Somewhere between the girls, counting Vicodin pills, and show preparation Mickey has grown a conscience and no longer likes what he sees.  He believes (and his psychiatrist agrees) that he has the power to change what’s happening around him.

Days before the show Kung Fu Master turns up dead and there is an attempt on Mickey’s life.  After a brief period of unconsciousness Mickey is back, is told that Juanita and brother Cheeks are now also dead and that he must continue with the show.  After all, what would Steven Tyler do?

In the end only one Johnson will walk away, although this is temporary as Mickey has the last word.

Right before he pops his last Vicodin.

Louise: Do you plan all your characters out before you start a story or do they develop as you write?

David: YES and YES! A little of both, I guess. In my latest book, Mickey is a character from my first published novel, Corporate Porn. Mickey was not the main character; however, I kept wondering what would happen if I brought him back and told the story from his point of view. SO, I brought Mickey back and he is the narrator in “Blood: The New Red.” 

I do have notes and an outline (more on this shortly) that reference both the character and story, but I also think it’s important to allow your characters to develop on their own.  Let the story go where it needs to go, maybe even you (the writer) will be surprised.  When this is the case (you the writer are surprised), you can pretty much guarantee the reader will be surprised.

Louise: How much research do you do for your books? Have you found any cool tidbits in your research?

David: (Pause) Well, let’s first establish that a lot of my writing mixes humor with dark undertones or subjects that may be considered taboo in other book genres. OK! So, not sure if “cool tidbits” would be qualify, but definitely “interesting.” Let’s say if there is a scene where a character is in the basement of an S&M club and is shooting heroin into their pinky toe. You know what…let’s just leave this one alone and assume my Google history is VERY incriminating.

Louise: What is your writing process? Do you outline, write by the seat of your pants (Pantser) or a combination of both?

David: Wow, writing by the seat of your pants is NOT the first thing that comes to mind when I hear “Pantser”, anyway…  I am a pretty organized writer.  I am always taking notes that I will use later in my books or columns. Once I have an idea for a book I will draft an outline that breaks out each chapter and has a summary of what may happen. I usually have a potential plot as well, though I rarely end up using it.  This is more of a crutch so I don’t get two chapters in and experience mind numbing anxiety because I’m unsure if I will have an ending.

Louise: Do you have a ritual when it comes to writing? Example….get coffee, blanket, paper, pen, laptop and a comfy place.

David: You just gave me an idea for a short story: A writer always writes with his stained flannel blanket draped over his lap. One day his apartment is robbed and the blanket is gone. The writer experiences writer’s block and begins drinking, and comedy ensues! I’ve digressed. No, I don’t have any rituals for writing.  Coffee is more of a life ritual for me. I use standard composition style notebooks for notes and outlines and my mini Dell computer to write. That’s pretty much it, unless you count tequila. 

Louise: Describe a typical writing day for you.

David: I do not have typical writing days. I have several columns and deadlines during the week so I have a list of priorities I focus on. I may write all of my columns in one night, or spread them out over the course of the week.  In between I work on short stories, novels, etc… I’m always referring back to notes I have taken throughout the day for ideas or to ensure I don’t miss something I want to include. A lot depends on motivation, time, and the amount of coffee intake. Actually, now that I think about it I believe coffee intake is the main driver.

Louise: Please give us a sneak peek at your future books. What’s on the horizon?

David: I continue to write pop culture articles (MancavePlaybabes.com), rock music articles (MetalUnderground.com, SleazeRoxx.com), travel narratives (TravelMag.co.uk), and an NBA column (ProBasketball-fans.com) on a weekly basis. I am also working on another novel titled The Devil Wears Black Leather as well as a couple non-fiction works centered on rock bands and fear and loathing travel.

Louise: What is your favorite genre to read and who is your favorite author?

David: I enjoy a lot of different fiction genres, mostly Transgressive and/or authors that are not afraid to just tell the damn story and have a sense of humor. Bret Easton Ellis, Hunter S. Thompson, and F. Scott Fitzgerald are a select few of the many authors I enjoy. Right NOW my favorite author is Charles Bukowski. I have been reading many of his short stories and am blown away by his approach and power of his prose.

Louise: Is there anything else you would like to tell the readers we have not touched on?

David: THANK YOU to all of those that have checked out “Blood: The New Red” and my writing. Feel free to reach out to me via email, Twitter, Cash Cab shout out, etc… anytime. For those that do reach out, I am known to give away freebies!

Louise: David, thank you for visiting with me today! Where can the readers learn more about you and find your books on the web?

David: Readers can fine me on the web at:

Silverthought Press: www.silverthought.com/blood/

David S. Grant: www.davidsgrant.com 

Twitter @david_s_grant

Blood: The New Red: www.bloodthenewred.com

And I'll giveaway a signed paperback copy of "Blood: The New Red" to one lucky commenter! 

Purchase Links:

Paperback on Amazon

Kindle

Excerpt:

When I approach, Paul gets up from his table and gives me a hug. “Welcome back, Mick. We’ve missed you.” I tell Paul great show and congratulations on the new line, then look at the table and see they are all drinking 1986 chardonnay and there’s a small mountain of cocaine in the center of the table. Paul looks at my cup and asks me if I need another coffee and I tell him I’m okay and then he proceeds to introduce me to the guests at his table, which include Lindsay Lohan, Jay Z, John Stamos, and four models I’ve never met but have bumped into during my previous job. One is a brunette with piercing blue eyes that I may have even shot a scene with but am not positive since I never saw much of her face. I pull out a pack of Camel non-filtered cigarettes and light one up. Paul asks me to join them. My manager agrees, so I grab a seat. The brunette tells me I look familiar, John Stamos says the same, and I grab a random razor from the ashtray and cut a line for myself.

Paul follows my lead, does a line and then lifts his head. There are still remnants of powder on his nose, but judging from his smile, he doesn’t care. “Mickey, I want you to be my feature model, and I want to use you for my next project. What do you say?”

No one has ever turned down an offer from Paul Johnson, one of the top two designers in New York City. I consider saying no, just to make history, but my manager doesn’t agree with this decision, so I put some cocaine on the razor blade and turn toward the brunette. On cue she lowers her dress, revealing her left nipple. I dump the coke onto the top of her left breast, move in, and snort it. She giggles and then says, “Now I remember you.”

I excuse myself from the table because my manager has me scheduled to bump into Sandy Johnson near the men’s restroom in three minutes. On my way to my spot, Dontay walks past and hands me a full coffee cup and slips me the number of John Stamos, “Just in case,” he says.

Sandy exits the bathroom with his fly unzipped, hand in hand with Stan, his boy toy for the night, laughing and then flagging down a waiter holding a sign: 2002. My manager has strategically placed me between Sandy and the waiter so Sandy notices me and walks over. “Mickey! My God, you look fabulous!” Sandy gives me half-hug and cups my buttocks, then mentions that he has heard a lot of rumors involving me and the porn industry. I just laugh and tell him there’s nothing wrong with franchising my body.

“Amen to that.” Sandy turns to Stan and tells him to fetch him a glass of 2002 because he needs to talk business. Sandy surveys the scene and leans in to me. “Fabulous, isn’t it?” I nod and then Sandy says, “Just murderous!”

Sandy moves next to me and puts his arm around my shoulder. “Did you see my show today?” It was great and congratulations I tell him but am cut off as he tries to say something, pauses, then finally says, “So I see you were talking with Paul.”

I take a drink of Johnnie Walker and then say, “Yeah, actually he just offered me a job.”

Sandy grabs his heart. “Oh, the betrayal! I think I’m going to faint.” Stan appears out of nowhere with a chair for Sandy to sit down in and hands him a glass of wine. Sandy takes a drink and agrees that it is indeed 2002 and this seems to settle him. “Mickey, baby, we go way back. Your first runway, I believe. Honey, you need to come work for me, not that…” Sandy flickers over toward Paul, “beast!”

My manager tells me that I need to step outside because Juanita, my girl, can’t get inside because she refuses to wear shoes and has just put out a joint on the bouncer’s arm.

I tell Sandy thank you, and he says he’ll be in touch. I lean into his ear and let him know his pants are unzipped and he says, “I know, it’s the new sign.”

I finish my cup of scotch and walk outside where Juanita is not only not wearing shoes but is also not wearing any pants, only a light purple Versace thong. The bouncer notices me and tells me that he doesn’t have a problem with the thong, but there’s a policy regarding the shoes. I let him know I understand and then buy a gram of cocaine off of him. I put Juanita in my limo and give her the gram to keep her busy. “I need to go inside and finish some business. I’ll be right back,” I tell her but she doesn’t hear a word, already ripping open the gram and cutting three lines. “Thanks baby!” I hear her yell as I shut the door.

Back inside, my manager wants me to be on the right side of the bar because the glow from the light accentuates my features best. I look over and see Paul Johnson telling a story that I’m guessing involves a Hollywood movie star, too much champagne, and no panties while he decides which two models he is going to take home tonight. On the other side, Sandy Johnson is whispering into the ear of Stan and undoubtedly outing many of the stars here tonight. Presently, in between sips of three-hundred-dollar glasses of wine, they are pointing at Andy Garcia and nodding.

My manager is noncommittal but pleased. We have accomplished our goal for the night. I glance over at Paul Johnson, then over at Sandy Johnson, the two kings, bitter rivals and not related. Simply known around the city as The Johnsons.

Walking out of the Grand, I look over at my limo. The window is rolled down and Juanita appears to have passed out. I walk over to my driver and tell him to take her home. As I turn back toward the club there is a TMZ camera in my face. “Mickey! Mickey! Who are you going with?” I light a Camel, remove my aviators, and look into the camera. “I’m going with Johnson! You can use that!” FLASH.

I go back to the doorway of the Grand (where I can hear “Mama Said Knock You Out” over the speakers), score another gram, stop off in the bathroom for a line, and then catch a cab to Lucky Sevens. In the cab the song “Suspicious Minds” by Elvis is playing. I cut a line and offer it up to the cab driver, who can’t snort it fast enough. I do a line and sit back, smiling.

Act like you’ve lived this moment a hundred times over. This is the forty-third secret on how to be famous.

 

Author Interview with Cait Lavender on her new release "Hunter Moon" VBT Pit Stop Apr 28

Click on the image to visit Cait's Meet & Greet with VBT Cafe.

I'd like to introduce Cait to you today. But first a little about her passion for writing.

Cait Lavender is a twenty five year old wife and stay at home mother of one in Central California. Living on a cattle ranch and raising her daughter doesn’t afford her much leisure time, but when she has a spare minute or two she loves riding horses, baking and reading everything she can get her hands on. She grew up loving the written word and creative writing and finally decided to work on her dream of becoming a published author.

She has two short stories, Cowboy Moon and Fool Moon which is included in the Cupid Painted Blind anthology, and a full-length novel, Hunter Moon, both available on Smashwords, Amazon and Barnes & Noble. She’d love to hear from you on her Facebook author page, @caitlavender on Twitter or on her blog, www.caitlavender.com

Louise: Cait, welcome to my blog! I’m so excited you could join me for a chat. When did you first decide to submit your work to be published? Tell us what or who encouraged you to take this big step.

Cait: It was about a year ago. The main thing that got me started was seeing all the other indy pubbed authors that were doing so well! It was so encouraging knowing others had breached the gap and survived without the big publisher’s backing them up. With the help and encouragement from some very lovely ladies in my writer’s group, I finished my first book and published it.

Louise: Please tell us a little about your new release Hunter Moon without giving too much of a spoiler away.

Cait: It’s a paranormal romance set in a small town in Central  California. Shelby Flint is a cattle rancher, struggling to make ends meet. Her cousins are trying to take her land away, someone has set up shop and is growing pot on her land somewhere, sabotaging her property and trying to kill her. And worst? A gorgeous game warden is poking his beautiful nose into her business and getting under her skin.

Bawling cattle tore Shelby Flint from her bed. With lawyer fees to pay in her struggle to keep her ranch from the clutches of her greedy cousins, she couldn’t afford the loss of even one calf. When she sees a large wolf circling her cows, she aims and fires. While the wolf escapes, Shelby can’t seem to get away from her troubles when a marijuana grower sets up shop on her land, sabotaging her property and eventually coming after her. Adding to that, a handsome game warden is poking his nose into her business and working his way underneath her skin. Shelby will have to fight harder than she ever fought before to keep from losing her heart and everything she ever loved.

Louise: Do you plan all your characters out before you start a story or do they develop as you write?

Cait: I have a rough idea of who they are, but they really do grow and evolve as the story progresses. Characters I was only using to fill a need turned into something more, making me like them and give them a more prominent role than I had intended. A few I’ve liked so well I’ve written shorts just to get more from their perspective.

Louise: How much research do you do for your books? Have you found any cool tidbits in your research?

Cait: I have made some great contacts with the California Game Wardens, a large animal veterinarian, a Iraq war vet. The trick about getting the dog drunk is totally true! (Read it and you’ll know what I’m talking about)

Louise: What is your writing process? Do you outline, write by the seat of your pants (Pantser) or a combination of both?

Cait: I’m mostly a pantser. I start with a general idea of the protagonists, antagonists and basic plot and pretty much make up everything else in between. 

Louise: Do you write full time? What did you do before you became a writer or still do?

Cait: I am a full time mom, part time cook and laundress and when I’m finished doing all that, if I’m lucky, I’ll have a few hours to spare for writing before I drop into my bed from exhaustion.

Louise: Do you have a ritual when it comes to writing? Example….get coffee, blanket, paper, pen, laptop and a comfy place.

Cait: Not really. Like I said, I don’t get as much time for writing as I’d like, but I do have a spot on my couch that I take over when I’m writing.

Louise: Describe a typical writing day for you.

Cait: Well, most of my day is taken up by chasing my kiddo around the house and cleaning up the trail of destruction behind her. My writing day starts at about 8 pm, her bed time. I crawl on my couch, grab my laptop and start writing until I either can’t think anymore or I start to fall asleep, which is usually around 1 or 2 am.

Louise: Please give us a sneak peek at your future books. What’s on the horizon?

Cait: Well, I’m working on a book in a new series. It’s set in the same world as the lupine moon series but revolves around the more unsavory aspects of it. There’s a hot Knight, a nerdy but cute college girl and some evil witches. I’m hoping to have it out by the end of summer!

Louise: What is your favorite genre to read and who is your favorite author?

Cait: If it’s fantasy, I love it. Always have. As for favorite author, that is just impossible to do. But I love Terry Pratchett, Karen Marie Moning, Jane Austin, Christopher Moore to name a few.

Louise: Is there anything else you would like to tell the readers we have not touched on?

Cait: Enjoy! I wrote these books to make you laugh and I hope I’ve done that. I want to take you away from your life for a few pages and take you somewhere funny, surprising and hopefully entertaining!

Louise: Where can the readers learn more about you and find your books on the web?

Cait: You can find me on Facebook, Facebook Fan page, Twitter @caitlavender and my Web site.
You can buy Hunter Moon on:

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Smashwords

Louise: Cait, thank you again for visiting my blog. Reader's, Cait is featuring an eBook giveaway of Hunter Moon to one lucky commenter.  Comments will close 11 PM PST tonight, so be sure to let Cait know you stopped by and good luck in the drawing!

 

Remember the weird kid with the greasy hair and the odd smell you went to school with? Goats Eat Cans by Steven Novak VBT Pit Stop April 12

Click on the image to visit the Meet & Greet with Steve Novak on VBT Cafe Blog.

Born in Chicago Illinois, Steven Novak has spent the whole of his life creating. After attending The Columbus College of Art and Design for four years he moved to California where he married his wife. The pair have been together for nearly a decade. He likes pizza. He’s sort of a nerd. He has terrible luck and worse personal hygiene. He also hates having to write bios about himself. He thinks bios are stupid. His work can be found online at www.novakillustration.com

Join Steven and I as we chat about his new release Goats Eat Cans Volume 1 and why he loves to write. (Warning: Be sure to go to the bathroom before reading further. We are are not responsible for accidents while laughing!)

Louise: Steven, welcome to my blog! I’m so excited you could join me for a chat. When did you first decide to submit your work to be published? Tell us what or who encouraged you to take this big step.

Steven: I’ve been submitting stuff for years. I think I sent my first queries out when I was still in college and I had no idea what I was doing. I just put some packets together, found some addresses, and mailed stuff off. The very first thing I tried to sell was a picture book I’d written and illustrated about a kid that builds a rocket and sails it to Mars where he meets a bunch of aliens and goes swimming.

It wasn’t exactly “high art,” but I thought it was cute.

Everyone hated it, of course. And rightfully so.

Louise: Please tell us a little about your new release without giving too much of a spoiler away.

Steven: The book is called Goats Eat Cans Volume 1 and essentially it’s a collection of short, occasionally funny, occasionally gross, occasionally funny-gross stories about some of the more terrible moments in my life. There’s a little of everything in there. There’s a chapter about the time I nearly lost my virginity and ended up with three hundred stitches in my head instead. There’s another about the day I actually lost my virginity, and it involves no stitches whatsoever. There’s an incredibly detailed retelling of my vasectomy, and a story about when I got married, and one about my failed experience with traditional publishing, and, of course, there’s another about the time a burst polyp caused me to lose so much blood from my anus that I passed out at the hospital and woke up in a pool of my own blood and feces.

That’s a particularly fascinating chapter.

Louise: Do you plan all your characters out before you start a story or do they develop as you write?

Steven: When it came to Goats Eat Cans none of that was necessary as it’s actual stuff that actually happened to actual people. Last year I polished off series of young adult fantasy/adventure novels called Forts, though. There was very little pre-planning involved with that.

I’m a terrible pre-planner.

I’m far too lazy.

Louise: How much research do you do for your books? Have you found any cool tidbits in your research?

Steven: None - because of the whole lazy thing.

No research was necessary with Goats – unless you count digging through my memories as “research.” I’m guessing that you don’t, though.

Louise: What is your writing process? Do you outline, write by the seat of your pants (Pantser) or a combination of both?

Steven: When I write fiction I never outline. I’ve been asked this question before and I usually tell people that I avoid outlining because “if it’s not good enough for me to remember, it probably wasn’t good enough to write.”

That’s a complete lie, of course.

Once again, it comes down to laziness.

Laziness is the foundation on which my life is built. It’s my motto. It’s my creed. It’s the scarlet letter I’ve chosen to wear, and damn it, I’m wearing it with pride!

Louise: Do you write full time? What did you do before you became a writer or still do?

Steven: No. I actually pay my bills and purchase the food to stuff my rapidly aging face and ever-expanding belly as a graphic designer and illustrator. I’ve done a lot of direct market educational stuff when it comes to illustration, plus a few books here and there. As a graphic designer I do a lot of web based work, occasionally I’ve dabbled in product design, and I’ve recently started putting together covers for independently published authors. That’s been a lot of fun.

In fact, if you’re an author looking for a quality cover, drop me an email. My rates are solid, my turnaround is quick and my demeanor is professional. I also wash my undercarriage daily, so I smell fantastic.

Louise: Do you have a ritual when it comes to writing? Example….get coffee, blanket, paper, pen, laptop and a comfy place.

Steven: Usually I start by taking off my shirt. Then I unbutton my pants and slide them over my hips. Lastly, I pull off my socks one by one, before dropping my britches and letting everything hang loose.

Writing in the nude is a very freeing thing.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I lather myself in healthy sheen of margarine, climb into the oven and roast my pasty skin to a golden brown at 450 degrees for 30 minutes.

Dress me up with a sprig of basil, a side of creamy mashed potatoes, and I make for a hell of a family meal.

The leftovers are even better.

Louise: Being nude all day is very freeing! When all the kids are grown and gone; try it! LOL

Describe a typical writing day for you.

Steven: I don’t know. I’m one of those people who can’t really write unless I’m “feeling it.” Writers block has my number and because of that I’ll go months without typing a word. It took me a year to write the first Forts book.

Louise: Please give us a sneak peek at your future books. What’s on the horizon?

Steven: This year is actually going to be pretty busy and if you’re a fan of Goats Eat Cans Volume 1 you’re an awfully lucky chap. Volume 2 is going to be released in July and I’m looking at getting Volume 3 out by November/December. Sometime in the next few months I have a picture book hitting the stores through Featherweight Press that I did the illustrations for, and in early 2013 I’ll be releasing another humor novel titled, Fictional Jerks.

Then I’m going to jump off a bridge.

There might be obituary.

Keep your eyes open for that.

Louise: What is your favorite genre to read and who is your favorite author?

Steven: Honestly, I don’t read that much anymore. I haven’t read a single book this year and there’s not really anything I’m itching to pick up. I just don’t have the time. Between writing in my nude, cooking in the oven, and the various things I have to do in order to keep food in my belly, my spare time is limited.

When I was a kid I loved Ray Bradbury’s stuff.  On a purely nostalgic level he’s pretty high on my list of favorite authors. I also grew up on comic books. I could probably name a hundred comic book writers that I love.

Louise: Is there anything else you would like to tell the readers we have not touched on?

Steven: I considered making a really inappropriate joke here and ultimately decided against it – which is uncommon for me.

Maybe I’m growing up?

Maybe I’ve transformed into an adult?

Maybe my wife can finally take me to social gatherings and not be worried that I’m going to embarrass her horribly?

Unlikely.

Here’s why:

Louise: Is there anything else you would like to tell the readers we have not touched on?

Steven: My genitals.

Louise: Wait *mouth hangs open, shuts* LMAO TMI there Steven! Where can the readers learn more about you and find your books on the web?

Steven: The hub for all things me related is www.novakillustration.com

Everything Goats Eat Cans can be found at www.goatseatcans.blogspot.com

I’m also on twitter @stvfoolery and you can find me making a jerk of myself on Facebook on a fairly regular basis as well.

If you’ve got a few extra pennies in your pocket and you’re looking for a couple laughs at a cheap price the Kindle version of Goats Eat Cans Volume 1 is currently available for a measly $1.99

That’s a heck of a deal. 

BLURB:

GENRE: Humor

Remember the weird kid with the greasy hair and the odd smell you went to school with? You know, the one who never talked to anyone? That creepy little jerk who sat alone at lunch? The oddball who never took a shower in gym class? The one you imagined might one day go on a shooting spree?

Believe it or not, that kid grew up.

He grew up, he got married, he never shot a single person, he wrote a book, and he even started taking showers after his workouts – most of the time.

Goats Eat Cans is his story.

Follow along as Steven Novak recounts the sometimes hilarious, sometimes hilariously painful, and sometimes painfully hilarious moments that have made his life so wonderfully frustrating. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you might even vomit. No matter what, you won't be able to stop reading.

Goats Eat Cans features 55 stories, 55 illustrations, 99 luftballons and enough nonsense to keep you chuckling and giggling for days on end – or hours – or at the very least a few minutes.

EXCERPT:

MY CAT SMASHING MOJO

 

I have a mortal enemy. His name is Jabar.

Jabar is a cat.

Is that lame—to have a cat as a mortal enemy? Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. If I were you though, I wouldn’t rush to judgment. You don't know this cat. This cat is evil. He's cunning, he's focused and nasty and vile and just plain mean.

He’s smart too.

He’s real smart.

He’s so smart he’ll write your midterm, and he’ll get a better grade than you ever would have.

He's my Lex Luthor.

Of course, if he's Lex Luthor, that would make me Superman, and I can’t be Superman. I hate that goody two-shoes jerk. Plus, I look terrible in red speedos.

Okay, this cat is my Joker. Which makes me Batman.

Yeah, I can deal with being Batman. Not the corny seventies Batman, but cool, pissed-off Frank-Miller-Dark-Knight-Returns Batman. I’ll be the Batman who chews steel, spits iron, and calls Robin a fruitcake.

That Batman’s awesome.

You see, not long after purchasing and moving into our first home, the wife and I had a cat door installed in the door leading into our garage. We then had another installed in the side door leading from the garage to the back yard. This was so our two cats could come and go as they pleased. It was simple. It was cheap, and at the time, it seemed to make perfect sense.

The thing we never counted on was that, while the doors gave our cats the ability to get out, they also presented other cats in the neighborhood with a way to get in.

It really should have been obvious from the start, but it wasn’t.

Okay, so maybe I'm not exactly Batman.

I mean, besides being a hell of a hand-to-hand fighter, a billionaire playboy, and a heck of a detective, Batman was also a scientist. A scientist would have figured out the intricacies of the cat door situation long before installation began.

I first spotted him on a Tuesday morning. I was late to work. I hustled down the stairs and into the kitchen where I planned to snag my keys and head for the door.

He was right there, waiting for me.

There was a very fat cat with a big black spot over his right eye sitting on my kitchen counter. The chubby, eye-patched little bastard was squatting on my tiled countertops without a care in the world—like he owned the place.

Our eyes met and I swear to you, I saw him grin.

Before I could react, he leapt from the counter, shot through the cat door leading into the garage, zoomed through the one leading into the yard, and was gone.

Not only was he smart, he was fast—especially for a dude carrying a couple extra pounds.

Lets jump ahead to Wednesday night. I was awoken by the sound of two cats fighting downstairs. I figured it's just our two cats—because they’re jerks and they fight all the time—so I tried to go back to sleep. Plus, I was in the middle of  a fairly fantastic dream involving me, the Enterprise, and an invading horde of hypersexual Orion slave girls.

The fighting didn’t stop.

It wouldn’t stop, and it sounded a heck of a lot more vicious than usual.

I dragged myself from bed, wobbled downstairs half-awake, and clicked on the lights. It was Jabar. He was in my house, and he was beating the snot out of my cats. The black-eyed devil spotted me and escaped in a blink.

The next night, the exact same thing happened.

The night after that, he did it again.

He was toying with me.

The wife and I decided to temporarily close up the cat doors and bring a litter box into the equation. After a few weeks, we tried the cat doors again.

The very next night, Jabar was back.

Damn it!

I’d had enough. If Jabar’s intention was to start something, he should considered it started. It was on! I was done fooling around. I was done playing the straight man, and I was through playing nice. No more games. No more second chances. No more lollygagging, no more pigeonholing, and no more lollypigeons!

If he wanted some of me, he was going to get some of me. He was going to get all of me he could handle, and them some!

I coiled my hands into fists and slammed my knuckles together. I lifted my head to the stars and proclaimed to the heavens above, "Bring it on, bitch!”

The wife heard me from the other room. "Bring what on? Who are you talking to?"

"Nothing...no one."

It was a Monday night—around 11 p.m. I was in the garage, and I was standing to the side of the door leading into the backyard. My eyes were trained on the flapping plastic covering the cat door just below my knees. Hoisted above my head was a brick.

My plan was simple: Cat comes into garage. Cat gets smashed.

Almost elegant in its simplicity, no?

Sort of like a Peanuts comic strip—with bricks and squashed cats.

"Steven, are you in he—" The wife stepped into the garage and immediately spotted me with a brick over my head, a wild expression on my face, and sweat pouring from my brow.

She stared at me for a moment, an indescribable look of confusion on her face. "Steven, what are you doing?"

"Nothing."

Her eyes moved from me, to my smashing brick, and back to me. She wasn’t buying my nothing excuse. "No, seriously, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to crush Jabar with this brick."

"Who's Jabar?"

The cat that keeps coming in here at night."

"How do you know his name is Jabar?"

"I heard the little girls across the street calling him that when they were playing with him in their yard."

Her expression changed. Suddenly, she was looking at me like I’d just taken a dump on the floor—like I dropped my pants and started humping the punch bowl at her company Christmas party.

"So, wait. You're going to stand here in the garage all night so you can smash the cat of the little girls across the street with a brick when he tries to come in our house?"

When she said it aloud like that, I have to admit, it sounded just a little idiotic.

So what?

I couldn’t let that deter me. The plan was the plan, and the plan was set in motion. There was no coming back and no backing down. I had no intention of allowing her to steal my need for vengeance! Under no circumstances whatsoever was I going to let her ruin my cat-smashing mojo. Not today! Not ever again!

"Yep. That's exactly what I'm going to do."

"No, you're not."

"I'm not?"

"No, you're not."

"But I want to."

"You're not smashing that cat."

"Oh."

"Put the brick down and come upstairs."

You've won this round Jabar.